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Proudest Moment
Jun. 3rd, 2005 03:46 pmYou'd think with a sobriquet of "Midir the Proud" I'd have a lot of such moments to choose from. I've been accused of arrogance and pridefulness my entire life. Humility is a word I know the meaning of, academically, but I've never really seen the need to embrace it. Funnily enough, with so many moments to choose from, it is then hard to find the one that made me the most proud, the one that stands out from all the rest of my myriad accomplishments.
I'm being arrogant again. I realize this.
Perhaps it was when I won the final chess game against Eochaid. Perhaps the moment when I took her in my arms, kissed her, and she knew me, and we soared away on the wings of swans. But truly, how could these moments be the source of my greatest pride, when I was never truly in doubt of their outcome? To be truly proud of an accomplishment, there must have been some doubt about the ability to achieve it.
And so I find that I cannot write about any single moment for myself, because there has rarely been a doubt in my mind that I could accomplish what it was I sought. It must, by default, then, be a moment when I was most proud of someone else. And that…that is easy.
Keelia. Last August. I found her covered in blood, terrified. I expected to find her dead, but she wasn't. Instead, the dagger was clutched so tightly in her hands, we had to pry her fingers open to get it free. She was injured, yes, but Fuamnach was hurt worse. In her assumption of mortal form, she had left herself vulnerable. And Keelia…fought back. Desperate, and terrified, she fought, and she won. But more than that, she survived. I think, perhaps, the trauma lingers, there behind her smile. Fear that it will be repeated. After all, we haven't yet triumphed totally. But she fought. And she's fighting now. Learning more about who she is. Her own strengths. She's facing a danger that has destroyed her time and time again, and instead of running away, she is learning, and she is fighting. Her strength. Her courage. Her perseverance…all these things make me more proud than I ever could be for anything I have done.
I'm being arrogant again. I realize this.
Perhaps it was when I won the final chess game against Eochaid. Perhaps the moment when I took her in my arms, kissed her, and she knew me, and we soared away on the wings of swans. But truly, how could these moments be the source of my greatest pride, when I was never truly in doubt of their outcome? To be truly proud of an accomplishment, there must have been some doubt about the ability to achieve it.
And so I find that I cannot write about any single moment for myself, because there has rarely been a doubt in my mind that I could accomplish what it was I sought. It must, by default, then, be a moment when I was most proud of someone else. And that…that is easy.
Keelia. Last August. I found her covered in blood, terrified. I expected to find her dead, but she wasn't. Instead, the dagger was clutched so tightly in her hands, we had to pry her fingers open to get it free. She was injured, yes, but Fuamnach was hurt worse. In her assumption of mortal form, she had left herself vulnerable. And Keelia…fought back. Desperate, and terrified, she fought, and she won. But more than that, she survived. I think, perhaps, the trauma lingers, there behind her smile. Fear that it will be repeated. After all, we haven't yet triumphed totally. But she fought. And she's fighting now. Learning more about who she is. Her own strengths. She's facing a danger that has destroyed her time and time again, and instead of running away, she is learning, and she is fighting. Her strength. Her courage. Her perseverance…all these things make me more proud than I ever could be for anything I have done.
