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It's such a little thing to bring such joy. A feeling as well as a sound. Something to watch for, listen for, cling to in the night when I wake terrified that it's gone. A moment that feels like an eternity, when there is no sound and no movement and I think that it's all a dream. I hold so still, straining in the darkness to see, to hear. Fingers brushing over skin, grateful for its warmth, but warmth can lie.
And then there. A flutter, a murmur at the touch, an indrawn gasp and the flesh beneath my fingers rises and falls in the same steady rhythm it has been holding that my panic blocked from my ears. Slow, steady, even as she sleeps, her own pace and the pattern of breath that feeds life into her, sends it spiraling through her blood, keeping her heart beating, her lips smiling, her body moving against mine in perfect completion of purpose.
It lets me know she's with me. That we're winning. That the time hasn't come, as it has so many times before, when the movement stops and the air ceases to flow. While she breathes, all's right in the world.
And then there. A flutter, a murmur at the touch, an indrawn gasp and the flesh beneath my fingers rises and falls in the same steady rhythm it has been holding that my panic blocked from my ears. Slow, steady, even as she sleeps, her own pace and the pattern of breath that feeds life into her, sends it spiraling through her blood, keeping her heart beating, her lips smiling, her body moving against mine in perfect completion of purpose.
It lets me know she's with me. That we're winning. That the time hasn't come, as it has so many times before, when the movement stops and the air ceases to flow. While she breathes, all's right in the world.
